Reenatype

It's just another night at the restaurant and my manager is running around trying to do a million things at once. An old woman wearing fur and jewels that adorned her entire upper body was on her way out when she stopped to say something to my manager. I stared at her face through her caked on makeup and reapplied lipstick, though she didn't seem to notice.

woman: you know, tonight, the crabcakes were the best I've ever had
manager: thank you, i'm glad...
woman: you know, i come here all the time and this was the best
manager: great (now getting edgy, wanting desperately to get rid of her)
woman: I remember when this place opened, when it was McMullens
manager: yeah, what was that like 15 years ago (starting to mess with her)
woman: when Joe and Bill were here, it was Mc....
manager: I sorry miss, i don't know any of those people

(it was here where I started to lose it, my huge smile not really hiding the fact that i'm laughing in her face. My manager is very skilled at speaking with people where they're so self involved that they don't even know he's mocking them. It's hilarious to watch.)

woman: don't you know the history?
manager: So you liked the crabcakes? (at this point, i'm cracking up out loud and she just goes with it, even though he completely changed the topic. I guess everyone is all ADD)
woman: yes, they were the best, i go to a lot of restaurants around the city and tonight
manager: thanks have a nice night (BOUNCE)

I stand by and watch this interaction with sheer amusement. This is a classic move, the bounce. When a situation drags on or you turn your head, he's gone. Known for his ducking, hiding, and creating devices to shoot at the bartender, this manager is one that can never be predicted.

Wednesday day shift at the restaurant. 2 60-something men sit down at my table and order TAP.

me: are you ready to order?
men: yes
man 1: I'll have the turkey salad, no avocado, i hate avocado.
me: no problem sir.
man 2: I'll have my avocado, but i don't want beets.
me: sounds good gentleman, would you like to start with an appetizer to share? (must have at least one upsell tactic, a bill with no liquor and no appetizers? what will the company think of me then, how will i be scored on their reports?)

the meal goes smoothly and they end up getting decaf double espressos. what the hell is a decaf espresso anyway? isn't the whole point of an espresso for the caffeine, the immense amount in the little cup? Whatever, i put that order in and send the standard free cookies, which suck right now.

me: can i get you gentleman anything else?
men: just the bill.

(he notions for me to stay and wait for the card -

A BLACK TITANIUM AMEX
"The Black Card is reserved for the wealthiest and most privileged. Members of this mysterious group pursue unique access to extraordinary experiences. They travel often and stay at luxurious resorts. They are offered tickets to sold-out shows, games, and concerts. Arriving at events in chauffeured limousines, they receive advance seating in the finest sections. Owners of an American Express Black Card can obtain nearly anything that they desire by calling their personally assigned concierge. (http://creditcards.lovetoknow.com/American_Express_Black_Card)

The bill was $40. After seeing the bill and the black card, my coworker said that the man would give me $40, a 100% tip. I thought he was crazy and predicted that I would get the standard 20%, $8, especially since he has the prestige of the black card. Also considering their meal went flawless and they had a good time

me: thank you gentleman, have an excellent day and happy holidays
men: thank you, you too.

I pick up the signed copy of bill and go into the hutch to see what the verdict was. When I saw the result of my efforts, coupled with the "prestige" of this card, I began to hysterically laugh. And not that chuckle kind, but the outright loud, uncontrollable laughter. I see my coworker who predicted the 100% tip, rounding the corner with a grotesque look on his face (quite normal for the servers here, it's just impossible to hold it in sometimes) and wave him over. I open the book and he sees the result, $6. I guess the $2500 annual fee leaves no room for extra spending, especially once you reach the MINIMUM spending of $250,000 for that year.

Ah, times are rough and I guess even the rich have to make some cutbacks, like tipping. Thanks assholes.

Scene from the restaurant:

woman: we want the prefix
me: great.

(I take order and decide to discuss dessert options later. everything goes well, dinner is perfect, then comes dessert)

man: what are the sorbet flavors
me: pear, coconut, and lemon hibiscus
man: yuck! (making an obviously disgusted face)
woman: what's the walnut tart?
me: it's a walnut tart with a concord grape sorbet and concord grape sauce
woman: yuck! (making yet another disgusted face)
me: i'll give you two a moment to decided

(i go away and give them some time to decide, meaning the woman to decide what they wanted.)

me: have you decided?
women: I'll have the creme brule and an english breakfast tea
me: great.
man: i'll have the tart, but with coconut sorbet instead
woman: PEAR!!! he wants pear
me: no problem
man: and a black coffee
woman: DECAF!!! make sure it's decaf
me: (to man) guess she doesn't want you up all night, (wink)
man: nothing gets me to sleep

(i put the order in and somehow my brain was working on automatic. what a surprise. I put in the order and carefully put all the modifications saying that the man wanted coconut instead of the concord grape. it was not until i went over to the couple that i realized my mistake, though i was the only one.)

me: how are your desserts?
woman: good
man: great, this is so much better with pear
me: excellent, enjoy. Please let me know if you need anything else.

( i walk away and realize that he didn't' even know what he ordered, or what was better. He initially wanted coconut and that's what he got. He was happy, which made it all a success.)

Sometimes the initial choice is the best one. Or maybe it doesn't even matter. As long as it all works out in the end